Free

So no one really reads this journal anymore. So I can just talk. Just write it all out.

See when I said I loved you more I never thought it'd be true. You tell me it's not but it is. It is because if you loved me as much as I do you, you'd still love me. And you know I thought sometime that maybe we had felt each others feelings but this isnt the case either. You let love die. I didn't. And then you rejected me and you'll never know that pain. To really know you were never good enough.
She'll never love you like I do either. You said she was more fun and that she likes to have sex. What the hell kind of response is that? Did we not have fun?
Waltzing in the kitchen
Making lil smokies
DDR
Harvest Moon
Zoo Tycoon
Hooters
Happy button
Fredrico Cita
Wrestling
Bow and arrow fights
Disc fights
Messing around at the zoo
Playing with butterflies
Flying Kites
Teaching me drums
Teaching me softball
Teaching you guitar
Looking at the stars
Finding toads
Musicals
And so much more....but you don't remember any of it. Was I that easy to forget? I guess so.

I thought I'd have so much to write but now that I am, it just seems stuck in my mouth.

You know I think maybe I'm looking at this wrong. Some part of me felt we'd end up together again but maybe its just in a different way. I was thinking about soul mates. And perhaps we have soul mate friends. I really think we do. Others think we have more than one soul mate romantically. I haven't made up my mind on this.
At any rate some part of me says that she is a soul mate friend. I'd like to think that. I'd like her to be that. I love her so much I'd rather have her in my life than not at all. Though she may feel differently it's ok. I'll learn to deal with that. Though I hope some part of her feels like I'm a soul mate friend.
Because maybe at first we got the signals mixed up. We read them wrong but now that we can start over, we'll read them right.

Please let them be right this time.

Wayyy too long

So it's been over a year on this thing. Ha. So much has happened. Too much to write but I feel a long entry coming up later.

Sigh.

I'm sick. It sucks. Nuff said.

My internet isn't working properly. It sucks too.

Um...Things are alright i suppose.

I'm working this weekend again. 88 dollars to sit on my butt and read a book and perhaps yell at people. very nice i think.

Friday night is the homecoming football game at my high school. Me and Amanda and maybe some other people are going to go to dinner befor and then go to the game. Should be some fun times.

I think I'm going to get my hair cut. Yay.

I'm tired. Toodles.

Currently Listening Put Out or Get Out By Fabulous Disaster see related

- Gia

Just doing some thinking today.

I realized I hang onto the past in some aspects of my life and that I need to not to that. Like I wish I could just be like "Yeah that happened." instead of being like "Yeah it happened and i'm still angry about it." Like why is it so hard to let it go sometimes for me?

Like why am I still mad at people for a long time ago? I mean, it's over. I think part of it is because the gay world is so damn small and so this person knows people that I've been meeting or have met and has told them stuff about me and that's why I'm still continuously angry. But then, with these new people maybe i should think that if they are listening to this other person and not making their own judgement, then maybe this isn't the person i want to be friends with anyways.

And why do i have these longings to keep in touch with people. Like i dunno. why can't i be like i was with kim and just forget about them and have no desire to talk to them? why can't i be like that? I mean they don't seem to want to keep in touch with me. So if they don't want to talk to me why should i care about them?

I was in a good mood today and now thinking about all this just puts me in a not so good mood. In fact it rather makes me depressed.

Do you think these people read my journal entries on here, or myspace or any other thing i'm on? Do you think they wonder about me? Because I don't think they do, so why do i?

Sad and somewhat angry now.

I'm going to go.

Grr..

I'm a little aggravated today. I dunno..I just feel..frusterated i guess..and i'd like to know why people do some of the things they do.

So this guy I went to school with since like elementary days died a couple days ago. Heart failure. Now I've talked to a lot of people who knew him. What I don't get is how some people go to this funeral when they didn't really know him. I personally feel that is something that is special for family and good friends to truely say goodbye. But I dunno, that's just me. When I pass away I just want good friends and family at my funeral. No one else. It'll be my time with them, the people I care about most.

In other news and on a brighter note I guess, I've done well on the tests I've taken thus far. A on my essay and test in History and 89 out of 100 on my Current World Problems test.

Going home tomorrow. Working on Saturday. Making 130 bucks just sitting on my butt and reading pretty much. Very nice.

Seeing Corpse Bride tomorrow with Amanda. Should be good. I haven't seen her in awhile and she's my bud who loves Nightmare Before Christmas just as much as I do. So good times it will be hopefully.

Alright, that's all i have to say. I'm going to read now. Peace kiddos.